Truth or Dare
by uptightcrankyshadownet
Summary: ... also known as matchmaking Birkhoff and Michael. Ryan/Sonya, Alex/Nikita, Birkhoff/Michael. T for hints towards sexual activity and swearing.


"Let me get this straight," Birkhoff says through clenched teeth while massaging his temples. "Nikita, it's your first birthday in forever without Amanda and Division and The Shop on your ass. It is a glorious occasion. I think Alex gave you morning sex or something." He ignores the indignant squeak from Alex on the other side of the circle. "And you decide to celebrate it… by making us all play _Truth or Dare?!_"

"I quite imagine she did it exactly for this purpose," Sonya answers helpfully, gesturing subtly at Birkhoff's outburst, and her response is met by Birkhoff's death glare and everyone else's laughter.

Nikita smirks, putting an arm around Alex's waist. "Come on, Nerd, don't chicken out now. It'll be fun!"

"Yeah," He mutters under his breath as Ryan spins the bottle. "As fun as getting tortured by Amanda again."

The glass bottle comes to a stop and Alex lets out a squeal of delight, clapping her hands. "Birkhoff!"

He groans, rolling his eyes. "No way."

"Truth or dare?" They all chorus, and Birkhoff can't believe he's actually playing into the hands of these people. He looks around him incredulously- here's a bunch of people who've killed in cold blood and taken down five trained soldiers at once and can murder people with their bare hands of less and they're _sitting here grinning their stupid grins at him asking him to pick fucking truth or dare. _Birkhoff has to blink twice and surreptiously pinch himself, wondering how they haven't all magically gone back to being twelve-year-olds sitting in the playground pretending they can't hear their parents calling them back for dinner.

"Truth," He grumbles, because the very thought of Nikita Mears, Alexandra Udinov, Ryan Fletcher, Michael and Sonya ganging up on him to give him a dare is bloody _terrifying. _

Birkhoff realizes he's made a very terrible choice a second later when Ryan leans forward with a wicked glint in his eyes and says, "Shoot Shag Marry- Alex, Nikita, and Michael."

"Oh _hell _no. Come on, Ryan. Any answer is going to get me killed by either Alex or Niki." Alex laughs, and Nikita gives a mock-serious face, nodding intently.

"Okay- We all know you fancy the pants off at least one of us, so truthfully tell us who amongst us you're head over heels for and tell us in explicit detail how you would shag one person of your choice amongst the five of us." Sonya suggests.

"Never mind, Sonya, that totally helped." Birkhoff mutters. "Erm, Alex, Niki, you both know murder-it's not legal, right?"

"Relax, Nerd," Nikita gives him a smile that most _definitely _doesn't make Birkhoff want to relax. More like pee his pants. "We won't murder you."

"Maybe hurt you." Alex pipes up cheerfully. "But no murder."

He rolls his eyes. "How reassuring. Um, okay, um, shoot Alex. Sorry, Alex, please don't kill me. Please. And, um, shag Niki." Birkhoff winces because he's probably now got both women on his back.

Everyone's eyes just widen and he realizes, a moment too late, the last option is Marry. And the other last option is Michael. Oh yes. Damn subconscious, Birkhoff swears. "Uh, yeah."

"Aw, Birkhoff, you've got a crush on Mikey!" Nikita gives an exaggerated sigh from beside Alex. "How cute."

"That's cute," Michael says, amused, in his low, gravelly tone and those two words sound _so _strange coming from his mouth that everyone jumps.

"Okay please don't do that again, Michael, that's creepy as hell." Birkhoff shakes his head fervently while Sonya tries to suppress her giggles. "Wow, I'm glad you didn't pick my question. That would have been nightmarish, hearing Birkhoff talk about how he'd want to fuck Mic-"

Ryan clears his throat. "Okay, yes, that's very nice, Sonya. Lovely. Birkhoff, spin the bottle."

"Really? Me?" Michael doesn't sound impressed, and he rolls his eyes. "Truth."

"Shoot Shag Marry!" Nikita smirks broadly.

"Are we just going to Shoot Shag Marry the whole game away?" Birkhoff asks sarcastically, settling back on his haunches.

"Shut up, Nerd. Your admirer… Amanda and Percy."

The five others turn to look at Nikita with disbelieving countenances. "Man, Niki, that's _nasty._" Alex comments, blinking a little too rapidly.

"In my defence, he picked Truth. A Truth or Dare game without good Truth questions is bound for failure." Nikita replies. "Come on, Michael."

Michael gives her a skeptical glance. "Really? _Really? _Shoot Percy, of course. Shag Amanda. And marry Birkhoff. There's no other choice. That's…" He grimaces. "Nasty." Michael's expression is enough for Sonya to whip out her cellphone and snap a quick photo of it. They burst out laughing at his disgust, and he leans over to spin the bottle.

"Hey! That's not fair," Birkhoff explains when it comes to point at him again. "I already answered just now!"

"It's fate," Ryan replies gleefully, and Birkhoff _swears _he's taking some sort of sadistic pleasure in this so-called game that's coming off to Birkhoff as one level down from a satanic ritual. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

Four people chorus in perfect unison. "Go kiss Michael."

Two other people chorus in perfect unison as well. "Fuck you all."

"It's a dare, you can't back out!" Nikita gives Birkhoff a wink. "Or you can do the dishes for a month. And we get to use your computer."

"Don't I get any say in this?" Michael yells, both men staring at each other, just as Birkhoff shouts, "I'll do it I'll do it nobody's touching my computer."

"Of course not, Michael. That's Truth or Dare for you. Anyway, you said you'd marry Birkhoff, which we all agree means you'd shag him senseless for the rest of your life. You'll love it."

"Your other choices were Amanda! And _Percy, _for crying out loud!"

"Whatever, Michael," Alex waves it off. "It has to be a two minute long kiss- at least- to count!"

"Jesus," Birkhoff mumbles under his breath. "Might as well get it over and done with." So he leans forward and grabs Michael's shoulders and kisses him with more force and passion than he calculated the kiss to have- and he's taken by surprise when Michael fists in his thick brown hair and pulls him closer. It's hot and heavy and it feels so right and everyone else around them fades away, and it's _definitely _more than two minutes while Ryan, Sonya, Alex and Nikita sit there, frozen.

"It's like seeing a car crash," Alex hisses to her girlfriend.

"I am so _uncomfortable _seeing Birkhoff kiss _anyone._" Nikita agrees.

"It's been _three and a half minutes!_" Ryan wheezes, halfway between a screech and a laugh. "Don't they have to breathe?"

"Speak of the devil," Sonya answers breathlessly as Birkhoff and Michael finally withdraw, staring at each other. There's utter silence as they all wait for what will happen next.

"Please don't suggest an orgy," Alex squeaks under her breath and Nikita prods her in the ribs. "Don't let them hear you! That thought is just... scary."

"Bed," Michael rasps in his signature bass tone. "Now."

It's followed by both of them kissing-_again_- dragging each other to Michael's bedroom, and slamming the door shut. The other four stare for a bit before looking warily at each other.

"Damn, that was hot." Alex breathes, and turns to Nikita with shining eyes and says her next sentence in a very serious tone. "Niki, do you want to fuck?"

Nikita glances at her sideways while Ryan chokes on the champagne he's bringing to his lips and Sonya narrows her eyes.

"Sure. Good idea." Another door slamming and Sonya winces as something- probably the headboard- slams very loudly against a wall in Michael's room. Ryan wipes the alcohol off his face and gives Sonya a half-smile. "Want to follow their lead?"

"Sounds good." Sonya laughs and kisses him, hard. "Some Truth or Dare game."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan answers as he hikes her legs up around his waist and they head to her bedroom. "That was the best Truth or Dare game I've ever played."


End file.
